You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
