I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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