Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
