You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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