That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
