You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
