saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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