i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry about my life...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
