I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
