On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
