So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
