the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
