Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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