I will die if light touches me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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