i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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