Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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