his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
