maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize