need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
