My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
where are you?
Hypothermia
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
