So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
