Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
