that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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