Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
