I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
