I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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