I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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