these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
