i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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