idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
