I could have mohawked her pubes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
