just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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