eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
