But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
