she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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