my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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