I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
