We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
