You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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