I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
