ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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