I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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