How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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