if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
