the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize