Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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