need another drink. this is the easiest way
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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