okay pat passed out under dana's car
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
