im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i think my cat just said my name.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize