Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
