happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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