fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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