margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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