i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
