so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize