I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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