In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
