i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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