Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
