They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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