Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
