i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
