it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize