Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize