I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
