he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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