im drinking this country out of the recession.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
