Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
