I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
